Dating is an idea that I have not found in the Bible. Pursuing a spouse and courtship, although not specifically worded in the Bible, are found in quite a few places. How are we to date and court someone in the culture we live in today? Well, let’s look at the culture back in the Biblical days and see the truth conveyed through the Word of God.
“It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
It’s Not Good To Be Alone
Let’s start with the most basic of ideas. Moses recorded that God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18) This is how we are designed. God created us with almost a “sense of urgency” to find a mate. That is why so many people date, so that they are not lonely. However, I don’t believe that God is cool with “serial dating”. God intended us to find a person and stay with them. Granted, things can cause separations such as: violence, abuse and cheating. God does not condone those either. The point is that God wants us all to find a mate of the opposite sex because marriage is God’s way of paralleling us as the bridegroom of Christ.
How Do I Court Someone?
Courtship is defined as “the activities that occur when people are developing a romantic relationship that could lead to marriage or the period of time when such activities occur.” (merriam-webster.com) These “activities” are mainly addressed in sexual terms. Let’s look at a handful of verses and see how we should act in a courtship.
Song Of Solomon 1:1-2:17 is recognized as the betrothal period for two people in love. Let’s look a few of these verses first before proceeding to other books.
Song Of Solomon 1:2 – “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!”
This is honestly a great verse for courtship. Your kiss for another shows them that they are the only person you love in your courtship.
Song Of Solomon 1:4 – “Draw me after you; let us run.”
This verse is said by the woman and she is excited to see her man again. Men, we all need to daily pursue who we are courting. This will show the woman you love that you are interested in her and that you cherish her.
Song Of Solomon 2:10 – “My beloved says to me: ‘Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.’”
When courting, talk like this to the one you are betrothed to. Tell them how beautiful/handsome they are. Be intentional about it too. Draw to certain things like: hair, eyes and lips. Be specific.
Other Books
1 Corinthians 7:2 – “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”
This verse shows clearly that sex is reserved for marriage and as we court a member of the opposite sex we need to abstain from sexual pleasures until marriage.
Proverbs 18:22 – “He who finds a wife (or husband) finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
This is also part of courting, anticipating who the Lord will bring into your life as a spouse. It’s okay to get excited about finding someone to court! God designed us that way!
All Comes From The Heart
Many relationships end because of poison in the heart that is manifested later. Jesus said, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) You see, in courtship and singleness we are to actively fight the urges to wander in our thoughts sexually towards anyone that is not our spouse. If you continue to entertain these thoughts, you may very well fall prey to them. It is mandatory to fight sexual thoughts for other people for a couple of reasons. First, God designed us to be with one person (Genesis 2:24). Second, adultery is a sin (Exodus 20:14). This is summed up clearly by Jesus’ words: “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45) You are designed to naturally behave based on the desires in your heart. How can you love someone when you are lusting for another?
Conclusion
Dating and courtship are amazing seasons of life, but they are supposed to be intentional. Dating is meant to seek out someone who you think would be a good spouse. Courting is meant to show the one you love that they are it and you want to marry them down the road. Above all else that I have said, one thing that is absolutely a must is that the person you are courting needs to love Jesus! So, take the time to nurture that side of your relationship. Pray with the one you love. Read the Bible with them. Serve others with them. If you are in a season of dating or courting, I hope it is a wonderful and blessed time for you! May God continue to bless you as you live a life worthy of the calling!
Related Reading: 7 Christian Dating Tips or Rules To Follow
Resource – “Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”
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