How to Stop Gossip in the Church

God hates gossip because it hurts relationships, families, separates friends and can even destroy a church.

Gossip

“a whisperer separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28)

Gossip does more to destroy a church than just about anything else that I can think of. What five ways can you use to help stop gossip in its track in your church, so what is gossip to you? From the world’s standpoint, gossip is just as normal as surfing the Internet, having a cup of coffee in the morning, or sitting down to watch TV or talking about your neighbor. It happens in the break room, in the restaurant, in the family, and just about anywhere that there are people. Of course, this includes the church. The world sees no problem with gossip, but God does. Most people might think it’s “normal” but it is one of the worst things that can come out of a believer’s mouth.

Accountable for Words

To those who don’t know Christ, they see nothing really wrong with it. It’s just idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others, and they believe it’s just what everybody does, however listen to this serious and very frightening warning given by Jesus about idle words in Matthew 12:36-37 “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Notice that Jesus wasn’t speaking only to believers. He insinuates that all “people will give an account,” and it is not just those who aren’t Christian…he means Christians too! That includes me and you.

Idle Words

Have you ever spoke a word carelessly? How many of them will be judged by God? How many can you remember speaking? No one’s off the hook on this one. The world might think it’s just idle talk, but that is certainly not what God thinks about it, so what are some other ways that you can stop gossip before it starts, or if its already been happening, how do you eliminate it? Here are four other ideas on how to stop gossip, hopefully, dead in its tracks.

Whisperer is another word for gossiper.

THINK

I like this acronym that addresses the problem of gossip and call it, THINK before you speak:

T. is this TRUE?
H. is this HELPFUL,
I. is it INSPIRING?
N. is it NECESSARY?
K. is it KIND?

If no to any of these questions, then we must remain silent and only bring these things before God in prayer.

Damaged Lives

I remember hearing some gossip in the high school locker room about a girl and this gossip really hurt this girl deeply and it changed her entire attitude in school. I also remember hearing about someone at work years ago who committed suicide over something that started as gossip. It really doesn’t matter if it was true or not because gossip can destroy people’s reputations, it can destroy people’s self-image, it can separate the best of friends, and it literally can destroy lives. Gossip is basically slandering someone’s reputation. Is your church hurt by gossip? Has it hurt fellowship?

Damaged Churches

James spoke about the tongue when he wrote that “the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell”(James 3:5-6). It takes only a tiny spark to burn an entire forest. Maybe that’s what James was saying when he wrote that it can set “on fire the entire course of life,” for which it did to the girl I wrote about earlier. It takes only one little word or rumor to create an enormous forest fire, and it “is set ablaze by such a small fire!”

Criminal Slander

If you don’t think gossip is serious, just see how Paul includes it in a group of detestable sins in 2 Corinthians 12:20. He associates horrendous sins with “quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.” Even in the Old Testament there were warnings from God to “not go around as a slanderer among your people” (Lev 19:16). Did you catch that? Gossip is nothing less than slander and people are sued every day for that! This also says, don’t associate with a gossip. Leave! Is it hard to rebuke a gossiper? What can you do to stop it? How is gossip like slander?

Destructive Words

Did you know that slander is serious enough of a crime that you could be convicted of it in a court of law? How much more serious than is it in the church? Does it really matter if it’s true or not, because if it hurts or destroys someone’s reputation (or worse, their life), was it worth uttering a few idle words? If someone finds out you gossiped about them, they may find it hard to trust you again; same with me. Is it likely that the person that gossips about someone else may also be gossiping about you? How would you confront gossip?

Stop Feeding It!

Proverbs 20:19 says “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets,” and will not be held guiltless by God. The only reason gossip is gossip is because there’s an ear to keep it alive. Gossip needs at least one person for it to survive, so stop it in its tracks when you hear it. Put your hand up and say, “Hey, this sounds like it’s none of my business. I don’t think I want to hear this.” That truly pleases God. The proverb says, “For lack of wood the fire goes out and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases” (Prov 26:20). What does that mean? If there’s no one to throw any more wood on the fire, it goes out. The analogy of fire is used once more because gossip, like fire, can destroy and people can keep feeding it with new logs of gossip. Stop feeding it and it will eventually die out. How can we stop feeding it? Is it worth repeating something that might not be true? What if it is true?

Confirm the Source

Here’s a great way to stop gossip in its tracks that a person actually used:

The Gossiper: “Hey, did you hear about so and so. They did this and that….”

The Recipient: “No, I had not heard that. Say, let’s go over right now and talk to them about that. Maybe we can help them. Tell them what you heard and let’s see if we can talk to them about it to see if we can help.”

The Gossiper: “No, no, I don’t think I’d like to do that at all. I don’t want to embarrass them. It might not even be true.”

The Recipient: “Well, that’s a good point. Who did you hear this from? If it’s not true we need to talk to your source. Let’s go talk to them and see if all three of us can go together to the one who’s having the problem. Who was it that told you that? Can you tell me their name? Then all three of us can go together and talk to them about this because it sound’s serious.”

The Gossiper: “Well, I can’t remember who it was that told me that now” (convenient amnesia?).

The Recipient: “Really! You can’t remember who told you but you can remember everything else? Then we should go to the pastor (or elder or a deacon) and talk to them about this. This sounds like this person is spreading gossip about someone who they believe is doing some pretty bad things and I think they need to know about it.”

The Gossiper: “No, maybe it’s not true anyway and I think it’s none of our business anyway” (exactly!).

The Recipient: “Well, if I hear any more about this, I’ll come to you and maybe you can remember by then exactly who it was that told you and we can all get together and talk about this to the church leaders/pastors/deacon/elders.”

Gulp! By now, I think the gossiper is sweating profusely (or should be). It’s amazing how this stopped the gossip right at the source.

Confront the Gossipper

If gossip is a problem in your church, address it. Every believer should “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up” (Eph 4:29). One of the six things that are an abomination to God is “a false witness who breathes out lies” (Prov 6:19) and it is breaking the Ninth Commandment. God promises that “Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy” (Psalm 101:5) but the listener is not guiltless either as God declares that “An evildoer listens to wicked lips” (Prov 17:4). Gossip is not gossip without someone to listen to it, so the person who listens to it is just as guilty as the one who is doing the gossip. Stopping gossip is not easy but it is necessary to preserve the peace, unity, and holiness of the flock.

Conclusion

I pray you have put your trust in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. If that has not happened yet, my friend, you are in real danger of hell fire. And I mean, in immediate danger. You’re one breath, one heartbeat…one accident away from eternity when it will be too late to repent. Today is the best day to believe (2 Cor 6:2) since tomorrow is no guarantee. If Jesus Christ came today, here is your fate (Matt 7:21-23). This is why I plead with you as you read this, repent today…and I mean right now. Put your trust in Jesus Christ. If you do not, you will face God’s judgment after death guaranteed (Heb 9:27) or at Jesus Christ’s appearance (Rev 20:12-15), which could happen at any moment.

Here is some related reading for you: How to Stop the Gossip in Your Church

Resource – Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version^® (ESV^®), Crossway Bibles. (2007). ESV: Study Bible: English standard version. Wheaton, Ill: Crossway Bibles. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Tagged as: Church, Gossip, Gossiping, slander